I have been asked the question countless times before. “What does it take to be a good dad?” Fatherhood is a little like leading a child to salvation. As much as I wish there were, there doesn’t exist a checklist whereby we can mark the boxes of prerequisites to be considered by society at large as a “good dad.” 

I hate to admit, I don’t remember much about my own dad. He worked super hard for our family, oftentimes gone to work before I woke up & returning after I was asleep. I don’t have an over abundance of mini movies playing in my head with him as the star. It’s not his fault, it’s mine. I have a terrible memory that I’ve struggled with for years. I know that somewhere around my 15th birthday, a season began in our family that I don’t wish upon anyone. For the next two years, I would become the caretaker for my dad rather than the other way around. I would visit him in the nursing home he finished his life in, because it was necessary for him to have around-the-clock care with his Alzheimer’s which we couldn’t give him at home. His body would not submit to 24 hour cycles of normal life, instead he’d wander out of our apartment or constantly think he needed to use the restroom every 20 minutes through the night. Sometimes when I would walk into his room at the place he was staying, his face would light up as though there was some distant but warm recognition that I was special to him. More often than not, before his passing when I was 17, I mostly got a lot of blank stares and single sided conversations. 

It has only been in the last several years that I have come to realize that the season of life where I was supposed to be filing away memories of a dad where I could go back and imitate them later in life was missing. The files were scarce when I found out our little household of 2 was growing to 3. I didn’t have much to go on. Again, I remember bits and pieces…that we had horses at one time, that he did take us to Disney World, that he wanted to take us to the Neshoba County Fair one year but drove the distance to find out it closed the day before we got there, that he was an excellent golfer, that he was a Gideon, and that he took his family to church every chance he got. I do vividly one of the few spankings he actually had to give me, but we don’t need that story this morning. You just have to trust me that it was very memorable. Overall, he though I was a really great kid.

So, when you have so few memories to refer back to on your own journey (maybe you have none, or all of them are tainted with some stain you’d rather forget), where do you turn? What then?

Now, I’m a resource guy. I love to connect people with resources that are most helpful to their own situations or current life experiences. The list of resources that I would tell a dad to check out is a mile long. 

Let me share a few of those that have helped me immensely over the last 13 years of my own fatherhood journey.

For new dads, I may would recommend reading something like…
Don’t Miss It by Reggie Joiner & Kristen Ivey
Parenting by Paul David Tripp
Dad Tired & Loving It by Jerrad Lopes
The New Dad’s Playbook by Benjamin Watson
Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp
Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Became Parents by Gary Chapman

For dads who have been in the game for a little while, I would recommend…
Connect With Your Kids by Jim Wideman
The 10 Building Blocks for a Happy Family by Jim Burns
Foundations by Troy & Ruth Chou Simmons
Leading Your Family from Good to Great by Robert Jeffress
Your Legacy by James Dobson

For dads struggling to find their rhythm in everyday life, I may would suggest…
Habits of the Household by Justin Whittle Earley
Raising Kingdom Kids by Tony Evans
Quick Tips for Busy Families by Jay Payleitner
Just Between Us Guys by Joel Fitzpatrick

For dads who are attempting to find the pathway to grow closer to God, I would say…
Midnight Dad Devotional by Mark Pitts
Brave & Bold by Marty Machowski

The importance, however, of blessing your child through Godly prayers, Scriptures, & intimate connections is amazingly powerful. I would certainly recommend…
The Father’s Blessing by Be Fierce Ministries

You see, the world is NOT scarce in valuable resources on how to be a good dad. However, they really are all loosely based upon a single, more original source…God’s Word. There is passage following passage pointing earthly fathers toward the perfect example of “daddiness” in our Abba Father. Encouragement following encouragement, plea following plea, for dads to follow the one true Heavenly Father.  

Where would a good dad begin?

By all means, let’s get to the point of my article. I wish I had started learning more about fatherhood before fatherhood found me. I know a lot of guys with similar sentiments. So, for the dad who wants to live life as a better father, even with the multitude of books and such in existence now, please let me direct you to the master source…the end all, be all…the Bible. You might start with the father’s example that begins Proverbs 4 that says, “Listen, sons to a father’s discipline, and pay attention so that you may gain understanding, for I am giving you good instruction. Don’t abandon my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender and precious to my mother, he taught me and said: ‘Your heart must hold on to my words. Keep my commands and live. Get wisdom, get understanding; don’t forget or turn away from the words from my mouth. Don’t abandon wisdom, and she will watch over you; love her, and she will guard you. Wisdom is supreme – so get wisdom. And whatever else you get, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; if you embrace her, she will honor you. She will place a garland of favor on your head; she will give you a crown of beauty.”

You could casually walk along a path through the book of Proverbs anytime you wanted & glean, what we call here in the South, “boocoodles” of wisdom & life application to help you to be the daddy your Heavenly Father desires you to be. It isn’t limited to that one book, though. There is a whole collection of divinely inspired instruction for life in God’s Word…inspired by the Holy Spirit, recorded by men for our benefit. 

I’m often reminded in times of feeling defeated or deflated about the footprints my Abba Father leaves for me to place my own shoes in. They are footprints down a long driveway produced not by a Sunday afternoon walk but by a strong, fast run toward a son who chose his own way over his father’s. They are footprints that end in an embrace, a kiss, a yell back toward the house for some new clothes and shoes and a gold ring. They are footprints that walk beside those left by a disobedient son seeking forgiveness by returning home. One set out…two sets back…as they catch up on lost time while the father smiles and cries and marvels in disbelief that he won’t have to live without his son any longer. The kitchen table doesn’t have an empty chair at night. The upstairs bed won’t look so depressingly tidy every morning because nobody slept in it. And now, there was a party to plan for the one who was dead and is now alive, the one who was lost and now is found. Then, the way he helps his other son understand the gravity of the current situation is full of wisdom and continually astounds me. When I read Luke 15, all I can say is, “What a dad! Lord, help me to mimic THAT!”

So, what does a good dad do?

Ultimately, my purpose in my home is the same as that of my ministry. My job is to continually point my family toward Jesus. To do that, I need to, as my dad did, make church a priority in my home while everything else that could jeopardize that is minimized. Next, I need to put myself continually into God’s deep Word and hear from Him through prayer. It’s the way He speaks to me. It’s the way He tells me how to live. It’s the way He fills the holes, the voids that exist in my own life. It’s the way He draws me closer to Himself, especially in the absence of an earthly father. It’s the way He helps my kids understand that the way I teach them to live and act is bigger than just me. It allows me to teach them principles that surpass them & surpass me…they are higher than all of us combined. 

I tell people often that even if you didn’t believe in the Jesus of the Bible, if you lived your life according to the principles it outlines, you couldn’t help but have a better life. If you apply His Word to your family, your relationships, your money, your work, your speech, everything about you, you can’t escape the better life.

If you’ll let God’s Word blanket every aspect of your fatherhood journey no matter where you are in it (wanting to be a dad, preparing to be a first time dad, beginning/middle/end of your dad journey, empty nester, grand parenting, wherever), you will not be able to help how much different your experience of fatherhood will be compared to going at it alone.

I pray a prayer of blessing over you men, over your children, over generations of sons, grandsons, nephews, cousins, and anyone else who may come behind you. Follow God as they follow you. Let them know He’s your leader as you seek to lead them.